A Swiss retreat is actually a back­ward movement?

What does retreat, Switz­er­land, lavish, luxury, and back to the roots have in common? Before coming to Switz­er­land, I used to work in several multi­na­tional corpo­ra­tions  in Nigeria. In these settings, retreats were the ISH! The one time in the year when staff were jetted off to luxury hotels and island resorts for days of day drin­king and pampe­ring! Many orga­nizations used retreats to indi­rectly apolo­gize for drai­ning employees all year long, and so on retreats, employees took advan­tage of all luxu­ries with reck­less abandon.

And so, when three weeks after my arrival, I got an email from my depart­mental chair informing me that as a PhD candi­date, I am expected to attend the chair’s retreat, I was on cloud nine! Retreats in Nigeria were lavish, so a retreat in Switz­er­land has to be ghen ghen! The email included a list of items we should come with which included slee­ping bags, torches, hiking boots, and warm clothes. I did not under­stand the need for slee­ping bags and torches, but I got one of each anyways.

On the day of the retreat, we took a two-hour train ride to the moun­tains. Picturesque Swiss alps in all its white, feathery glory. You know the feeling when a scenery knows it is gorgeous, and it just pres­ents itself to be appre­ciated, unab­as­hedly. Pristine and crisp moun­tain caps with snow and humid smoke at the peaks. Casca­ding water­falls with its splashy foams. And somehow, even the cows openly grazing on farms seem like the perfect fit for this high-reso­lu­tion movie scene. Welcome to the Swiss alps!

After the train ride, we took a bus farther hinter­land. That the bus on this route ran only once an hour was my first clue but I was too enthr­alled to notice. We got off the bus and there was no house in sight. Oh wow, I thought. The retreat venue is exclu­si­vely hidden in the woods, touché! We gathered our luggage and walked about twenty minutes farther.

And there it was. Or was not! There, in the middle of a forest clea­ring stood a buil­ding I was later informed used to be a monastery. It was set on a small hill and had a cross-shaped minaret with a polished metal exte­rior. Its walls (or what was left of them) were made of cobble stones which my colle­agues were touching gingerly, mesme­rized by its „ancient-ness“. Logs of wood were neatly arranged on the side porch. The house had narrow and short door­ways, so you had to stoop to get inside every of them. One step inside and you were hit with a cold, crisp breeze. Ehmmm, no heating? You are kidding me!

In the center of the sitting area which used to be the worship room of the monastery stood an alter with various saints. The floor­boards creaked with every step. The „kitchen“ was bare except for freshly deli­vered fruits, vege­ta­bles, packaged grains (rice and spaghetti), fresh meat, packs of flour, coffee powder, tea bags, milk boxes, and other condi­ments. There was no stove, no refri­ge­rator, no coffee machine, no nothing. Looking at it, I had flash­backs of my great-grandmother’s clay-molded kitchen in Offa, Kwara state, western Nigeria. Did I time-travel back to the 1900s?

The retreat orga­nizer gathered us toge­ther and allo­cated us our rooms on the next floor. He informed each one of their duties for the next 3 days. We will alter­nate from stocking the fire with woods, to cooking on the open fire­place, to washing our dishes and cutle­ries, to gathe­ring more wood. Typical back-to-the-roots way of life! The only thing not on the sche­dule was hunting and gathe­ring!!! For some reason that I am yet to under­stand, ever­yone around me was EXCITED.

As I ascended the stairs to my allo­cated room, I kept wonde­ring which specific bad act I had committed to get this retreat as my karma. Images of luxury saunas, break­fast buffets, and jet skiing in resort beaches cris­scrossed my mind.

Where did I go wrong? Who did I offend? Was it the length of time I spent under hot showers? I am sorry God but is this penance not a tad bit over-the-top? So, a typical Swiss retreat means to discon­nect (lite­r­a­rily without wifi) from the world? To not use tech­no­lo­gical advance­ments (you wonder what was the need for all the years of inven­tions)? To go back to where it all began (like that was even possible)? But for what exactly?

To the Swiss, appar­ently ever­yday life is too luxu­rious and a back to reality check can be done with a retreat. Now I under­s­tood what it means to have „luxury problems“!

My Swiss room­mate knocked and said to me enthu­sia­sti­cally: „How cool is this place! We already decided to come back for next semester’s retreat“. Oh Nice! „What date is it?“ I asked, „11–15th November“, she replied. I picked up my phone and went to my calendar. I made an entry for 11th to 15th of November which read: „DAYS I AM GOING TO BE SICK!“

I am yet to under­stand how these things work, maybe because I am living this ‘Swiss’ life in a ‘naija’ way!