Showing off? That can never be Swiss!

Ideally, what this means is that I have been walking on the streets of Zurich and inad­ver­t­ently rubbing shoulders with the crème de la crème of Switz­er­land. That should give me an oddly satis­fying feeling of ‘self-accom­plish­ment’ espe­ci­ally when I compare it with my ‘almost’ meeting of Nigeria’s richest man, Aliko Dangote some years ago. The man was performing Umrah rites (lesser Hajj) in Mecca, Saudi Arabia. Even in the act of reli­gious worship that should humble all beings into unifor­mity of class and status, you still knew that plain clothes merce­na­ries and secu­rity agents surrounded him, so rubbing shoulders with him was defi­ni­tely out of the question.

As much as I would not be able to access a Nige­rian dollar million­aire, I would at least know and reco­gnize one from afar when I see them. They would be surrounded by secu­rity every second of the day and every minute of the night. They would step out of their bullet­proof cars into bullet­proof walk­ways leading to bullet­proof offices and bullet­proof home buil­dings. They would ‘private jet’ them­selves and their comfort animals around the globe with zero care for carbon emis­sions and foot­print. Their ‘public appear­ance’ entou­rage will always include the Fili­pino maids and the Leba­nese butlers. They would throw the most lavish parties at every oppor­tu­nity, ranging from children’s weddings to dog funerals. 

The high­light of their many cele­bra­tions will be the use of inter­na­tional vendors: American music stars, French fashion desi­gners, and Italian party chefs. Ha, how can I forget? One major charac­te­ri­stic of a Nige­rian dollar million­aire is that their children are in Swiss private boar­ding schools. UK and US schools are for ‘new money’. The really rich ones know exactly where to hide their wealth. For the average Nige­rian rich elite, they need to show the class diffe­rence to thrive. It is not enough to just be rich in your personal villa, ever­yone needs to see it and feel it, willingly, or unwillingly.

Unfort­u­n­a­tely, if I do run into a Swiss million­aire, I am unli­kely to know or realize this. Why? The Swiss have an abhor­rence, dislike, and distaste for showing off your riches. And it is quite serious, I must tell you. For a country that is contem­po­r­a­rily detached from reli­gion and reli­gious prac­tice, you will be surprised to know that this distaste for show-off is rooted in the reform of the church that was spear­headed by two fore­most refor­mers: Ulrich Zwingli and John Calvin. 

The idea of not showing off stems from the under­stan­ding that wealth should come from hard work, but need not be displayed openly because you should realize that God gave you such wealth by his grace, and you thus should be modest still. Some Swiss people go the EXTRA MILE to not show off their wealth. The founder of Switzerland’s largest private bank wrote that his family bought 2 limou­sines of the same type, color, and make so that their neigh­bors would think they have just one limou­sine. WILD.

I am on a mission to be able to reco­gnize one of those 185’000 people as soon as I see them on the street. I would like to be able to know one just by looking at them. I want to be able to deci­pher the clues, the ‘not so obvious’ signs of the Swiss rich. I am inte­re­sted in under­stan­ding all the schemes they devise to remain blended, to not look rich, but to appear as what exactly? Poor? Middle-class? A little rich, but not so poor?

I know I have a weird taste in the things that inte­rest me about this country, but you already know that I am living this Swiss life in a Naija way.