The Swiss Stare

Yes, I know! It took a while, but we are finally going to talk about one of the most famous things which the Swiss are known for: the SWISS STARE! It is common know­ledge that being neutral is closely asso­ciated with being Swiss. Guess what is not neutral about some Swiss people? Their stare. 

The Swiss stare is full, direct, long, gawking, unab­ashed, unas­hamed. While certain cultures preclude being caught in a stare as rude, that is not on the 100-point-list of concerns for a Swiss person. 

The Swiss people who stare want the person or object that is being stared at to know that it is being stared at. The Swiss stare is to be felt, almost palpable to touch. Every time I expe­ri­ence the Swiss stare, it always feels as if someone is peering into my soul.

Many believe that staring is the Swiss way of staying abreast of every and anything that is happe­ning around them. In other words, it is a form of secu­rity apparatus: 

If you can see it early enough, then maybe you can fix it early enough. Others believe that the Swiss stare because they are natu­rally curious. About what you might ask, and you will be told “about anything“. FUNNY!

A lot of people would give a million francs to know why the Swiss stare the way they stare. Not me by the way. I already have my answers in the types of Swiss stares I have witnessed or encoun­tered as I live this Swiss Life the Naija way:

1. Induced by exotic­ness: The stare induced by exotic­ness is full-blown, done with all aspects of the face and jaw. It is a mix of curio­sity and quiz­zical admi­ra­tion summoned by some­thing the Swiss find diffe­rent but interesting.

Like a mixed-race couple walking on the streets of a Swiss city. It is the stare that conveys a „oh my God, that is 2 oppo­site worlds coming together“-look. It starts with a stare first at the one that appears to be fami­liar (the white partner most times). 

Then the stare falls on the one that is considered „alien to the norm“, and then back to the fami­liar as if to say „wow, so you went round the world and chose a diffe­rent specie“. 

Then comes the „realization smile“ etching on the starer’s corner lips which depicts „to each its own“. If you look back at the starer, they will normally not look away. That would not consti­tute a fully-fledged Swiss stare!

2. The Silent Condem­na­tion: This one is long and hard, invol­ving the full­ness of the eyeballs and the twit­ching of the nose simul­ta­neously. It is called upon when the Swiss are too diplo­matic to openly condemn you for a „discour­teous“ act in a public space.

Did you dare to occupy more than one seat on the tram by placing your shop­ping bags on two other seats? What were you thin­king??? With the silent condem­na­tion stare, the Swiss are covertly willing you to realize the foolish­ness of your own mistake and correct yourself. 

Diplo­macy at the highest possible level! Some­times, you may get this stare veiled with a mixture of anger and rage espe­ci­ally in situa­tions where the starer has no control. If you are chat­ting „loudly“ in the airplane and someone gives you a look resembling the above, 9.8 times out of 10, they are Swiss!

3. The Judgmental Stare: Short and crisp. No pretense. It says: „I do not believe you could actually be that stupid“ in the span of 8.3 seconds.

It is the one stare that makes you realize that your bad deeds traced through your fami­lial ance­stry have just been judged in one single look. Did you litter the streets with a trash can just a few meters away from you? Then you probably deserved the judgmental stare!

4. The Gaping Gawk: This is the mother of all Swiss stares and has been univer­sally acknow­ledged by all known social etiquette frame­works as simply RUDE. What makes it even more rude is that the Swiss have adopted a neutral stance to the rudeness of this stare (no surprise there!).

The gaping gawk is done with the eyes inte­re­stedly wide open, and lips slightly parted half in wonder and half in expec­ta­tion of upco­ming exci­te­ment. The nostrils are flared, ready to twitch upwards or side­ways depen­ding on the extent of the drama unfol­ding before the starer.

It is the stare that accom­pa­nies an event from its begin­ning until its end. Scena­rios that can invite the gaping gawk include a child thro­wing a missile-size tantrum in the middle of the super­market, or when a waiter or diner spills food or drink in a restaurant.

In short, in situa­tions that the parti­ci­pants would have preferred to deal with in private, the Swiss gaping gawk is there to make sure that this does not happen as it screams: „SHAME, SHAME, SHAME!“

Where I come from, to never be caught in a stare is a life skill because to be caught in one is embar­ras­sing. As a Nige­rian, you learn to look without being seen and to observe without being noticed. If perad­ven­ture, you are ever caught in a stare, you blank your eyes without moving them or your face. 

You keep looking in the same direc­tion but with zero emotions on your face. You look straight, keeping your eyes now at the back of what or who you were staring at, so much so that the person who caught you in a stare „realizes“ they were not the object of your atten­tion, even though they were!

I finally found some­thing that Swiss people may want to learn from Nige­rians. Yippee!